In Another Life

 In another life, I guess I won't work in such a way that I would expect life to be better. Because it isn't getting any better. 

In another life, I won't work hard to be at the top of the class because it won't get me far either.

In another life, I won't live near my mom. It looks fancy looking at other people but it wont really work for me and mine.

In another life, I won't listen to people about what they tried to impose on me. I know my family dynaics better than anyone else and they are speaking from experience so why would I listen to them

Where did that get me?

In another life, I will  exhaust all means of getting away as far as possible and I will not go back. Life with them sucks.

What I realized when I was in high school is my reality and it doesn't get any better.

I am just a means to an end for them and I am also not getting any support as I expected . 

Nobody's really got my back. I only have me to pick myself up whenever I fall down. My classmate was right. I am the odd-one-out.

In another life, I will not allow myself to get convinced otherwise. They will not change no matter. They won't at least be kind.

It is also their first time in this world  but they don't have to be that cruel. It is also my first time. 

I am always the sacrificial lamb. The means to an end.  I am seldom jealous of others but seeing my cousin Dixie being supported  , I sometimes think that I was just born in the wrong family. 

It is the kind where of you are living better than they are, you have to help them even if they are just not even fighting for what they want. They are waiting for dole outs even if they are in the prime of their health. They were given opportunities but they won't take it. 

It is like it is a sin that I am working so hard to fight for my life.

In another life, I would make my life more private.

In another life, I won't.

If I would be given anothe chance to make things right, I would not choose myself as others are just as lost as I am. 

 

In another life , I would like to say that I have survived my mother and my relatives. 

I would like a life away from them.