thepsychologyofher

 Day 0 I decided to try lodging my application again. A lot of people may have been praying that I won't make it in life just to prove to themselves that they were right and I was wrong. and that they are in a better place than I am. BUT I am hoping that my God will prove that He got me. I am ever sorry for thinking I was alone in this world. I may have been so overwhelmed to remember  that I have Him.  He gave me a chance to still start again. I know it is never greener on the other side of the fence. It is a battle field out there but I can't complain. I get to have a different life, experience a different culture. I will miss the beautiful sunsets at the boulevard but I will somehow get a different sunrise and a different perspective.   I will miss our island and what it can offer. It was a good 9 years and I believe I have something to look back in delight when I will miss the warmth of the island. I am ever grateful. He may have wanted me to remember the fe...

 In another life, I guess I won't work in such a way that I would expect life to be better. Because it isn't getting any better.  In another life, I won't work hard to be at the top of the class because it won't get me far either. In another life, I won't live near my mom. It looks fancy looking at other people but it wont really work for me and mine. In another life, I won't listen to people about what they tried to impose on me. I know my family dynaics better than anyone else and they are speaking from experience so why would I listen to them Where did that get me? In another life, I will  exhaust all means of getting away as far as possible and I will not go back. Life with them sucks. What I realized when I was in high school is my reality and it doesn't get any better. I am just a means to an end for them and I am also not getting any support as I expected .  Nobody's really got my back. I only have me to pick myself up whenever I fall down. My cla...

  She used to love what he was. It felt it will scare the hell out of you... that what if you won't find someone better. That what you have now was the best even though it feels like you might find someone better, the fear always creeps in. There are questions left unanswered but you decide anyway that if it was 'it', it wouldn't really have come to this end of the rope. and you weighed all but there is nothing left to make you stay. and you decide it is just another mistake. That there are people in this world whom you have to meet so you will be prepared enough when you met the real one. and then you got to learn more about yourself on the process You get bruised. burned. scarred. So you leave. carrying nothing with you. You would wait for someone. That soul who will tell you that you can go anywhere , be anyone with him ... and it will just be a matter of going. And so you left.

“No we didn’t date. Technically, he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend but he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost.” How can I tell you of a story when I did not know when it started and when it ended. If we look at it, is there something that started that needs to end. If there was, what was it that we started. Is there something that we should end. What is there really? There was never an us in the equation. It was just me and you. In those cold bitter nights stolen from the monotony of each other's lives. and mostly me half-expecting a phone call. A message A knock on the door. but there wasn't any of that. would you have wanted me to chase after you that I would hope for something that is not there all along I have been through this a thousand times before and I never learn Did it also ever occur to you that I would beg for your time, for an explanation of the shape my heart is in? I know it is not possible. That it would not happen and it should not. Didn't you ever thin...